Special DAY

I vividly remember a festive occasion forty-four years ago, when everyone around me was quite busy paying no more the usual attention to two little needy girls. It was my mother's birthday, and it seemed to me at the time that everyone was trying to outdo one another in making it very special. Then something else was happening, the festive mood initially became tensed, sort of shocking, then calmed down, then suddenly, very, very  joyful. There was singing, dancing, lots of drinking, loud singing, food abound, it was fiesta-like all around me. What was happening? For an almost five year old girl, it was more than amusing. It was confusing, but there was one thing understood and was stuck in my mind and heart, forever. This day is very special, it is not only my mother's birthday, but more so, my dad's first born son was born on such already a special day. Indeed, my brother Omar came out to this world with festivities waiting for him. Even then, I always knew that he is quite special, and HE is. I see a lot of my dad and his love for his children in my "special" brother. Growing up, November 9 triggers all the good things I can remember! It announces the beginning of the holidays, and gifts and big toys are bought for the whole family to enjoy. A very happy birthday to beloved Nanay and Omar. I wish Nanay can celebrate a nice, special day with us next year.

emotions

There are a few emotions I have been trying to overcome for weeks now, weeks! Weeks since I came back from my most awaited break which really energized me, so I thought! Yes, I thought (so)!!! I thought I came back very, very happy and all ready to face the year's challenges, until one disappointing meeting that I should not have anything to do EVER! Overcome, overcome, overcome I suggest to myself, otherwise you will overlook the many wonderful things surrounding your world, and the most wonderful love, affection and care from spouse and children. Keep self-suggesting! Write and post, so what!???!!! Whatever helps ease the... not pain, but extreme annoyance and irritation...

NOT dreary in my mind!

It is damp everywhere outside, and the sun is nowhere around to say hello. I look out the backyard and see widespread of water, yes, WATER on the lake! It must be above thirty-two degrees when I woke up this morning, and the neighbors' lights across the lake reflected beautifully on icy water, that dreariness is out of the question this morning. Ugh, it's Sunday, not my very favorite day when there is work the following day. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. There is something in falling snow that makes everything else seem fine, beautifully magical, and romantic. I love that magic is in my mind, even on a dark snowy day. Magic brings hope, and beauty, depending on one's capacity to imagine. Imagination has always been my best friend growing up, and still is a great companion when you want to repaint dreary out of your surroundings into magical icy water overlapping cloud-like snow on the lake. Magical, yes, just like the way I am regenerating reports for a hundredth time this weekend, restructuring and reformatting, deciding on finality, and waiting for them to be printed and sent out, the way they should have been a couple of days ago. Time to move on to the next one, I must say and enjoy the rest of a (hopefully) snowy Sunday afternoon. I wish for a cup of those chocolates de cielo from Davao, I tell you.

mother country...too far away

On a day like this, when rain is not the kind of rain I used to know growing up, I wish for the sun to be up and shining brightly. Well, not really. The sun melts away everything that's cottony white outside so quickly when it gets a little warmer than the freezing temp, then mud comes along with just everything our dogs bring, coming in from their breaks! I do not know what exactly I want today, I know. I am just typing away whatever comes to mind, maybe wasting time, and wishing there's more long weekends like these two consecutive lazy weekends I have been enjoying. I have been working as usual like nobody does, complicating my mind with possibilities of this and that, with these and those, and yet not content to have enough time to finish what needs to be done.
Leon's suggestion to look up for packages for a possible Belize trip next winter did not help. All the more I ache for the sun on my face! I used to hate being under the scorching heat of a blazing sun, but since I came to know "cold" I run over to where the sun chooses to shine.
This morning when I opened the front door to reach out for the paper, I stared at the frosty ice that blanketed every inch of the front steps down to the driveway. I turned on the lights and admired the reflections of hundreds of tiny lights in front of me and at the same time shuddered at the thought of slipping on beautiful, smooth and cold layers of ice topping our concrete steps. Oh no, I am not going out to work today as planned earlier. Work can wait!
Now, as I take a break from a little student system irritation, I look at the constant gentle freezing rain hitting the glass window and look out further to the snow covering the side yard and my neighbor's and see tiny little raindrop holes everywhere. There is definitely wind chill everywhere outside as I look at the leafless tree branches swaying, and feel a little chill go down my spine. There is no storm and there's none coming from around the corner. There's one lonely icicle from my neighbor's side roof that's undisturbed by steady drops of rain. Oh, so peaceful, as far as I am concerned.
Peace and quiet come around every time with cool and calm rain, and anywhere you want it to be, far from the rain that I knew, very, very far from mother country, too far away to go to.

"working" while on vacation

Why I love this working vacation...

1. overcast mornings
2. clear skies by mid-morning
3. working by the pool
4. palm trees reminding me of mother country
5. tropical flowers and plants that I cannot raise in home sweet home

2010

"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty;
not on your past misfortunes of which all men have some."
                                                                                       ~ Charles Dickens


Looking back at  the challenges of 2009, I cannot discount the roller coaster of emotions that we all had to live through, but I have to recognize life's woven blessings, in small, medium, large sizes and even extra, XX and XXXLs that came along every day.


Every day brings its own individual character, and as I blissfully look forward to 2010,  with gratitude I will embrace its challenges, basking in them as my way of appreciating life's gifts. Managing a small business with Leon poses a great challenge to my patience. We have to always guard the vision and mission which will ultimately benefit a "fraction" of society, but also have to make decisions with a daily reminder in our hearts and minds that the business provides jobs, and certainly contributes in the provision of basic necessities to "unknowing souls" within families. Often times, emotions and sensitivities have to be put aside for the good of the whole of MA. It is always the number one rule to put the good of MA before any selfish and overpowering emotion. The second rule of course is to go back to rule number one! 


This is how we pay back the good life and the power beyond it who bestowed both of us and our families the multitude of blessings through the years, and even continues to grant us the strength to do what we do for the few children we serve.


As we say to our own children:"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." 
~ Author Unknown

NEWs...

When a stranger calls to inform about the passing of a colleague, what comes to mind? Is this a prank call, is this real, is this happening? What happened? What exactly happened?

2009

2008-2009 was a great emotional fiscal year for sure, beginning with my denial of life's final call of Tatay, and ending with the acceptance of the call's proximity, and the realization that the event is indeed part and parcel of everything on earth. Tatay left towards the end of the last winter --- the harshest and longest MN winter I have ever felt and experienced, not so much because of snow and below 0s but because its "usual" magic faded mid-way while I grieved. Fall, as my favorite season with its changing colors and cool temperature signals something ethereal this year... it signalled its arrival too soon. My plants' leaves are starting to change sooner than expected. I see tints of yellows and magentas and light greens on their edges. I grieve everyday, and winter is now in my heart to keep.

Mourning was never felt and realized this fully until Tatay said his final goodbye. I was always saddened, and thought I sympathized with friends' and relatives' loss(es) and the loss of pets bring loneliness, but I never really felt this kind of unexplainable pain until Tatay went away... it hits me so hard right in my heart and mind, there's no fix to it! One would think crying helps...well, tears fall yes, but they don't ease my pain. I miss Tatay everyday but fear that my tears do not help him in his peaceful rest.

Work, work, work, and so I work like there's no other time to do and finish everything. Burying myself with plans, more plans, and more work eases my memories - - -thousands, and thousands of films and digital frames in my head about Tatay, his wishes, dreams, pride, work, letters, love of family, his words, his humor...everything Tatay.

Everyday of my relatively easy life was a blessing and blessings and blessing of blessings of days I had, thanks to Tatay. So everyday, I celebrate his life by doing what is right, doing what is just and fair, and being true to the ideals of being a man for others!

The Fall 2009 opening brings yet another challenge...Leon and I are seriously contemplating of taking on another task!

After the storm

Peace, and quiet...without rain clouds hovering. Only cool breeze and an all-day sun that Wednesday, (July 22). That was a great respite from the almost unending dreariness around us from the first rainy late afternoon of this houseboat trip and the last night which gave our dogs a nightmare to remember - lightning and thunder as a send-off!

spring regulars

These are the ducks right outside my kitchen window which come around right after the snow is gone, to partake of the generous serving of birdseeds for everyone!

La Jolla, CA. summer 2008

It is summer again... how time flies! Our photos of last year's break are waiting for some more coming this year. We hope to enjoy the Pacific again sometime before we face the new school year's challenges.

I think about my family, how each of us are so far away from one another, and how much I miss each and everyone. How wonderful it would be for all of us to have a reunion. How can we arrange for one ...and when? The core family of course has grown; now I have four nephews, (Kaikai, Gelo, Kachi, and Jan) and three nieces, (Mariel, Jamie, and Jana) and with a darling of a daughter and a loving son of my own - - - nine cousins all in all ranging from 5-23 years of age, the venue will have to be considered in planning for a family reunion! There are of course a lot of advantages for the younger cousins and their parents, one of which is the availability of grown cousin baby sitters to watch and entertain them.

Finally...they are all back!

Springtime has arrived, and why not! ? I was not ready with my camera for every bird activity there is in our backyard, but my mind has it all. Leon said that people drive up to some areas in the State to get a chance of what we are actually enjoying every day here in the city, and in our own backyard...here's one photo of a wading white egret! The camera did not catch the blue one... I startled it and it flew away even before I had the chance to turn on the camera. I will try to catch my "backyard pets" while they are in their most interesting interactions when I can. I know that my blog does not capture the "real thing" just ike a movie can only do so much to showcase the wonder and depth a good book can offer, but I will try...

Just as I was thinking of how to plan for a restful Sunday morning, the usual pair of ducks which come around for meals were right under the bird feeder, sharing the bird seeds with a dozen other birds. I was pondering how to start the day, then a fox... yes, a red fox trotted along the deck, right behind the sliding glass door. What was he thinking... looking for mice? Poor garden mice, Molly and Kaya are not enough to scare the hell out of them, now there's a young red fox! Everything happened so fast, I was totally clueless as to what first to do... grab the camera? Where is it??? Where's the fox, where's the camera...what should be the first thing to do? The fox disappeared just when I got hold of my d-cam and reappeared by the fence facing the lake and lower lawn. I thought the binoculars would be a better tool, never mind the slow digital camera. Just as I reach for the bigger binoculars, the fox jumped off the side fence into Tootie's and leaped onto Arlene's and on and on and on. Each jump was done so gracefully, there I was in awe and unable to lift the tool I was supposed to use to enjoy the action!