2009

2008-2009 was a great emotional fiscal year for sure, beginning with my denial of life's final call of Tatay, and ending with the acceptance of the call's proximity, and the realization that the event is indeed part and parcel of everything on earth. Tatay left towards the end of the last winter --- the harshest and longest MN winter I have ever felt and experienced, not so much because of snow and below 0s but because its "usual" magic faded mid-way while I grieved. Fall, as my favorite season with its changing colors and cool temperature signals something ethereal this year... it signalled its arrival too soon. My plants' leaves are starting to change sooner than expected. I see tints of yellows and magentas and light greens on their edges. I grieve everyday, and winter is now in my heart to keep.

Mourning was never felt and realized this fully until Tatay said his final goodbye. I was always saddened, and thought I sympathized with friends' and relatives' loss(es) and the loss of pets bring loneliness, but I never really felt this kind of unexplainable pain until Tatay went away... it hits me so hard right in my heart and mind, there's no fix to it! One would think crying helps...well, tears fall yes, but they don't ease my pain. I miss Tatay everyday but fear that my tears do not help him in his peaceful rest.

Work, work, work, and so I work like there's no other time to do and finish everything. Burying myself with plans, more plans, and more work eases my memories - - -thousands, and thousands of films and digital frames in my head about Tatay, his wishes, dreams, pride, work, letters, love of family, his words, his humor...everything Tatay.

Everyday of my relatively easy life was a blessing and blessings and blessing of blessings of days I had, thanks to Tatay. So everyday, I celebrate his life by doing what is right, doing what is just and fair, and being true to the ideals of being a man for others!

The Fall 2009 opening brings yet another challenge...Leon and I are seriously contemplating of taking on another task!